


Disappear

by Kumo くも (kumo_is_kumo), kumo_is_kumo, NoHappyEnding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, NHE2017, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-16 07:10:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13631247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumo_is_kumo/pseuds/Kumo%20%E3%81%8F%E3%82%82, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumo_is_kumo/pseuds/kumo_is_kumo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding
Summary: They are supposed to be soul mates. Jongin is supposed to love Kyungsoo. He doesn’t.





	Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** 2017-022  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Kai/D.O.  
>  **Word count:** 3,677  
>  **Rating:** R18  
>  **Warning(s):** Heavy angst, Spoiler  
>   
>  **Author's note:** Dear prompter, you asked for ‘angst bro’, so I gave you this. I planned to write a short angsty fic for you and I hope I can feel the angst quite well. Enjoy the evil, everyone, and tell me whether my attempt to make you cry succeed or not. Thanks to the mods for hosting this cruel fest. We love angst.

In this world, everyone has some invisible numbers written on their chest. No one can see the numbers, except for the owner. The numbers can be varied for everyone. The numbers show the time you are going to live in this world. When the owner can see their numbers, it means that their days are running out.

If you are happy, the numbers might add. If you are sad and suffering, the numbers might lessen.

In this world, you are supposed to be in love with your destined soul mate. You are supposed to be whipped for them, to be weak without them, and to love them even until your very last breath. You can’t fight against the destiny. It’s the same for everyone.

Except for Kyungsoo’s supposed to be soul mate.

Jongin is his name. And he despises Kyungsoo in his deepest heart. He is against the nature, no one can understand what happens with him, about how he is not in love with his supposedly soul mate like everyone else does.

 

**_12775 days_ **

They found out that they are soul mate when Kyungsoo bumped onto him one day in the middle of crowded street, staining his clothes with a cup of hot coffee. Everyone has always said that when you finally meet your soul mate, your world changes and you feel like you find the sole reason of why you live in this world.

It happens to Kyungsoo. His world changes and he finds his reason of breathing.

It doesn’t happen to Jongin.

Kyungsoo can still remember the piercing stare he gets from his soul mate when he bumped onto him at that time. If look could kill, he would have died now. Jongin has never liked him, he never does.

They found out that they are soul mate when they were in the middle of crowded Saturday night, with a girl’s arm hooked with Jongin’s.

That was the first time Kyungsoo felt such a pain in his chest.

 

**_12410 days_ **

Soul mates are supposed to shower each other with love, unable to separate.

Jongin never spares him any attention.

Kyungsoo wonders why.

They are supposed to never let each other’s hand go. It’s supposed to be hard for them to breathe without one another. They should not be able to function properly like a normal human without any interaction with their significant other.

With all of those being said, Kyungsoo realizes that it’s all bull shit. He doesn’t experience it.

 

**_11680 days_ **

He tries to talk to Jongin. Don’t say that Kyungsoo doesn’t try. He is the one who makes all the effort.

Kyungsoo has always been one of the strongest people in his big family. He hardly cries, be it because he sliced his finger or because he broke his leg. He didn’t cry when his grandparents passed away. He didn’t cry when he graduated with the highest score.

He doesn’t know why… but Jongin makes his weak.

Jongin and his cold stares.

Jongin and his cruel words.

Everything about Jongin hurts him…

But Kyungsoo finds himself falling even more.

Is he a masochist, really?

 

**_10950 days_ **

When Jongin talks to him for the first time, Kyungsoo can literally feel his heart flutters in happiness. He feels like he owns the world, it feels like he doesn’t need anything else in this world.

Jongin opens his mouth when Kyungsoo comes to him wearing the biggest smile ever. He hears his melodic voice, saying the words:

_“Get lost.”_

His heart flutters despite such words uttered to him. Kyungsoo closes his eyes, feeling a smile curls on the corner of his lips. He can feel a fresh intake of breathe into his lungs.

So it’s true.

Your soul mate is the key to make you feel better.

Yet again, your soul mate is the key to crush you into pieces.

 

**_9490 days_ **

" _Why are you ignoring me?”_ Kyungsoo has asked at one time when curiosity gets the best of him.

He doesn’t get the direct answer at first but he can feel the hatred in Jongin’s eyes. The stare is so cold and cruel, ripping his heart so deliciously harsh.

Jongin leans close to him and Kyungsoo can hear his heart beating so fast in his chest. It’s the first time they get this real close. It’s alarming in his head.

" _I never like you.”_ Jongin has said, clear and low without any hesitation or guilt in his voice.

Kyungsoo shudders.

_“And I will never like you.”_

How does a heart break feel?

 

**_8030 days_ **

Kyungsoo has always been a good cook. Everyone says about how he would make a good chef if only he takes culinary as his major.

Kyungsoo has always loved cooking for people around him.

Including Jongin.

But Jongin has always thrown his food away.

He doesn’t even give a single glance. Whenever Kyungsoo comes to him, bringing a lunch box with food in it, Jongin gives him a cruel smile that never reaches his eyes.

Without even giving it one look, Jongin throws the food into the garbage. He drops the lunch box to the ground, the remaining food left clattered by his feet.

Kyungsoo has always cooked with his whole heart. Food is a necessary thing in humans’ life and it will never go wrong.

But one step of Jongin’s foot on his cooked food makes Kyungsoo’s head spins.

Two steps of the foot make Kyungsoo wonders what is so wrong about him.

Three steps of the foot make Kyungsoo feels a sharp pain in his chest.

As Jongin’s footsteps walk further away from him, Kyungsoo stares at the ruined food on the ground, all dirty and no longer able to be saved.

Just like his heart.

 

**_5475 days_ **

Having a soul mate means your heart beats for them.

Kyungsoo’s heart has always beaten for Jongin, even before he knew he is his soul mate.

Jongin’s heart… has never looked for Kyungsoo’s.

Jongin is Jongin. And he has never once looked at Kyungsoo’s direction.

If the meaning of having a soul mate is to have their heart beats together and for one another then… why does Kyungsoo have a heart when it’s clear as the sunny day that Jongin’s doesn’t beat for him?

 

**_4380 days_ **

It’s a party. A party should have been the place where you brag about your soul mate, saying good things about them and complimenting them to the moon.

For Kyungsoo, it’s a place where he can only stare as Jongin dances with someone else, kissing someone else, and whispering sweet nothings to someone else.

Kyungsoo can feel the sympathetic stares from so many people around him. They look at him as if he might be broken anytime soon, as if he might lose his consciousness anytime soon.

They are wrong though, yet they are not entirely wrong.

Kyungsoo doesn’t break down in front all of them, he keeps his self respect.

He just can’t hold his heart back from broken, burnt into pieces.

 

**_3285 days_ **

It’s vague but Kyungsoo can see it.

The numbers. On his chest.

At first, he doesn’t really recognize the strange writing on his skin but upon realizing what it is and what it means, a bitter noise escapes from his mouth.

3285.

3285 days. He only has that long to live.

Humans can only see their numbers when their days are ending… does that mean Kyungsoo is going to die soon? Isn’t it too fast? Too quick? Too sudden? He had just found his soul mate though?

A soul mate that doesn’t pay attention to him at all?

 

**_2555 days_ **

It keeps decreasing; the numbers.

Kyungsoo traces his fingers along the mark, silently counting how long he can survive.

These numbers… they can increase if the human is happy, living their life in content. Does that mean Kyungsoo is not happy?

He is happy though? He found his soul mate and he can still feel his heart beating for him even though it has been broken so many times and burnt with the hottest fire?

Why can’t Kyungsoo’s numbers add up? He still wants to live. He still wants to see Jongin. He still wants to tell Jongin about how much he loves him, despite all the cruel words he told Kyungsoo before.

He sees Jongin again. And Jongin is with someone else that Kyungsoo has never seen before. Jongin always changes his partner, holding them so dearly as if they mean the world to him. Kyungsoo wants to be treated that way too.

He always sees Jongin with someone different. He is going out with all of them and he doesn’t seem to mind their look.

That means Kyungsoo has the chance, right? He is no different from those people. He can be the candidate to stand by Jongin’s side too.

Right?

 

**_1825 days_ **

" _Wait. Please hear me out.”_ Kyungsoo has said when Jongin sees him coming.

Kyungsoo gazes at him. _“Please give me a chance."_

Jongin gives him a stare that is so cold and it sends shiver down Kyungsoo’s spine. Why can’t Jongin look at him like how he looks at those other people?

 _“Are you kidding me?”_ Jongin has responded with a laugh. Kyungsoo shakes his head.

_“A week. Be with me for only a week.”_

Jongin narrows his eyes at him. _“Fucking no.”_

 _“Just a week. Please."_   Kyungsoo begs. _“It will only be a week. I won’t… come to you again after the week is over."_

Jongin looks at him, staring him up and down, before sighing. _“Only a week.”_

Kyungsoo’s lips curl up into a happy smile, feeling his chest warms up and his heart throbs in happiness.

 _“What do you want to do now?”_ Jongin asks, acting as if they are in love.

As if.

Kyungsoo holds onto his hand, as if they are in a relationship, as if they are going to get their happily ever after.

_“Can we go for a date like normal people…?”_

 

**_1460 days_ **

Kyungsoo gets to hug Jongin. He gets to hold his to arms around Jongin, hugging his waist, and sniffing his lovely scent. This is what he has been waiting for. Being around Jongin brings such happiness to him.

Although it’s just a mere empty happiness.

He doesn’t mind though. As long as Jongin keeps his promise to be solely his for the whole one week only, then Kyungsoo is content with that.

Jongin lets him hug him. He even hugs Kyungsoo back, patting his back as if he is consoling him. As if he is consoling Kyungsoo for being so pitiful, for being so sad.

Kyungsoo doesn’t mind.

This whole one week is all he needs.

 

**_1095 days_ **

Jongin eats whatever Kyungsoo cooks for him. He eats all of the food until the very last bits, making Kyungsoo’s heart soars up to the sky. This is it. This is how it feels to have your soul mate eating the food you cook with all your heart, pouring all the love you have for him into every single pieces of food.

Jongin even thanks him for the delicious food, going even further to take Kyungsoo’s hand to rub his knuckles gently.

Kyungsoo smiles happily, feeling how his heart is thumping so painfully happy in his chest.

Jongin recognizes his effort. Jongin acknowledges his presence and effort and feeling, telling his gratitude.

He holds Jongin’s hand back, giving the rough hand a squeeze to tell him how happy and delighted he is.

Jongin doesn’t let his hand go after that.

 

**_730 days_ **

Jongin lets Kyungsoo cuddles him for the whole day. They don’t do anything else, they don’t move from the couch, they don’t go out of the house. They just sit in the couch, burying themselves into the fluffs of pillows and cushions, while Kyungsoo hugs Jongin close to his chest.

To let Jongin listen how fast his heart is beating for him.

Jongin doesn’t back away.

He puts his whole face into Kyungsoo’s chest, sharing his warmth with him.

Kyungsoo cards his fingers along Jongin’s locks, playing with them, massaging his scalps. Jongin seems to like his treatment, for he is relaxing even more. Kyungsoo smiles brightly and leans down to kiss Jongin on the crown of his head.

In which Jongin doesn’t back away.

Kyungsoo can feel is heart beating even way faster.

And he is sure Jongin can listen to how loud it is beating against his ear.

His heart is beating for Jongin only.

 

**_412 days_ **

Kyungsoo insists that they go out for a date. Jongin says nothing and nods his head.

They hold hand with Kyungsoo swinging it a few times in happiness. He tightens his hold on Jongin’s hand, suddenly feeling Jongin squeezing his hand back.

Kyungsoo is still hoping that after this one week is over, Jongin will realize how worthy he is of his time. He is hoping Jongin will see how much they should be together, for they are being soul mate. He is hoping Jongin would come to him, hugging him, kissing him, appreciating him, and telling him about how much they are going to be together for the rest of their life.

He leans his head on Jongin’s shoulder, savoring the feeling of going out in a date that he has been waiting for the whole time.

Jongin says nothing. He pulls Kyungsoo closer to the side road to avoid the passing car.

Kyungsoo appreciates his caring gesture.

He likes how everyone is staring at them; at how Jongin is being so delicate to him, as if he is some kind of diamond. He likes how he can brag to everyone about who his soul mate is and how they are currently in a date right now.

He likes it when everyone thinks they are soul mate.

 

**_201 days_ **

Kyungsoo sits in the couch, staring at Jongin who is staring back at him.

Jongin says nothing.

Kyungsoo smiles and lifts a hand to caress his face. Jongin doesn’t pull away.

He opens his mouth. _“I love you so much, Jongin.”_ He has whispered. Jongin doesn’t make a face of disgust, no he doesn’t do that. He doesn’t show his disgust when he hears Kyungsoo saying that.

Jongin leans closer, holding onto his cheeks, and kissing him on his mouth.

Kyungsoo’s eyes flutter shut when their lips met. He opens his eyes back when he feels Jongin leaning away, and he finds that Jongin is staring at him.

He reaches for Jongin, wrapping his arms around his neck to pull him for another kiss. Jongin holds onto his sides, kissing him so strongly that Kyungsoo feels his heart is beating out of control.

He is so happy. So damn happy. So fucking happy.

Their lips twist and mold together, just like how he used to see Jongin kissing all those people. And now the one Jongin kisses is him. His soul mate. Kyungsoo.

He lets out a soft voice when Jongin licks all over his mouth, pulling him even closer until he is drapes over his lap. Kyungsoo tilts his head aside, letting Jongin takes full control over himself.

Jongin has the sole control over his heart.

His soul, too.

 _“I love you, Jongin.”_ He has whispered again before Jongin draws him in for another bruising kiss that will make his whole body shudders in delight.

 

**_35 days_ **

Kyungsoo lies on the bed, watching Jongin peppering kisses all over his neck and chest.

They have been going very long in this; in sex. In making love. Whatever the words are.

Kyungsoo accepts whatever Jongin is giving him, from the painful pleasure to the blinding pleasure.

Whenever Jongin’s hips meet his, whenever Jongin’s erection presses deep into him, Kyungsoo feels his chest churns with a foreign feeling.

He clutches onto Jongin’s back, crying out for his name, while Jongin is drilling into him in an inhuman pace that Kyungsoo can’t keep up with. Having sex with Jongin is more than his imagination. He doesn’t expect Jongin to have sex with him, manhandling him like he is some kind of rag dolls.

 _“Ah,”_ Kyungsoo has moaned out in pain when Jongin folds him into half, bending his legs together. Jongin has his way with him, fucking him open with his cock. Kyungsoo can feel the friction.

He can feel Jongin’s cum inside of him, splashing freely and being pushed even deeper from Jongin’s current precise thrusts.

He can feel the bite marks all over his skin, decorating his usually white skin with blotches of reds and purples as if he is some kind of canvas and Jongin is the artist.

He can feel the stinging pain whenever Jongin’s hand lands a slap on any part of his body.

He can feel Jongin’s warm breath hitting his sweaty skin.

He can feel how close he is to the end of his pleasure.

Jongin pulls out, jacking off to his face and Kyungsoo opens his mouth to accept everything he is giving to him. He feels warm cum splatters across his face as he closes his eyes. Jongin shoves his fingers deep into his reddening entrance, abusing his sweet spot so fast that Kyungsoo is crying out in the pleasure.

He comes right away and feels his body is manhandled by Jongin, face down to the bed and ass up. Jongin pushes inside again and starts fucking him with an unrelenting pace, one that Kyungsoo has grown to love.

Jongin pulls onto his locks, grunting while thrusting so fast into him. Kyungsoo’s saliva drools all over his chin and neck, making him looking like a total mess. He looks like a bitch. He looks very much like Jongin’s little bitch.

 _“You bitch.”_ Jongin grunts, fucking into him so harsh that Kyungsoo forgets his own name.

" _Yes, I a-am.”_ Kyungsoo whimpers, feeling a hand tugging onto his red and sore cock. Jongin makes sure to fill him until he is full and drain him until he is dry.

Tears make his way down his cheeks and Kyungsoo is spread down wide on the bed, feeling Jongin’s teeth sinking down to his skin every now and then. He feels Jongin’s mouth kissing the skin on his chest, the skin where no one can see the numbers written on it. Kyungsoo hasn’t seen the numbers for all the week, he has been avoiding it.

Why looking at it when he can look at Jongin all the time?

Jongin traps his down into the bed, his hand grabbing Kyungsoo’s messy locks to put his attention on him. Kyungsoo looks up through his blurred eyes, watching with unfocused gaze on how Jongin is gritting his teeth on him, fucking him so harsh that it feels so painful, while giving him a glare that shows such hate and disdain.

_“You fucking bitch. This is what you want, isn’t it? You want me to fuck you until you die? Huh?”_

Kyungsoo smiles tiredly, choking out a moan of pain when Jongin digs his nails into his skin.

 _“…y-yes. I l-love you, J-Jongin.”_ He whispers out. Jongin chuckles lowly in front of his face, picking up the pace to end his orgasm.

For the first time, Kyungsoo comes at the same with along with Jongin and despite it being painful, it feels so magical.

Jongin pulls out of his abused anal, gagging at the sight of cum spilling out of it.

 _“The deal is done. One week is over.”_ Jongin says coldly, standing up from his bed.

Kyungsoo smiles, his tears running down his face as he sees Jongin putting his clothes back on himself.

So, a week is finally over, eh? It’s finally the end?

He can’t change Jongin’s decision? He can’t make Jongin falls in love with him?

He can’t?

Then what should he do next? He has tried his best. And honestly, he is so tired.

He is so tired of pretending to be happy. He is so tired of pretending as if all Jongin’s ignorance doesn’t hurt him. He is tired of everything.

_“I keep my promise. Make sure you keep yours too, bitch. Stay away from me. Don’t ever come near me anymore.”_

Kyungsoo smiles painfully, watching Jongin slamming the door shut so loudly; such a loud reminder to tell him that he would never have Jongin for himself. Jongin had just left him alone after all the things they had done together.

His chest hurts and Kyungsoo laughs loudly into the pillow. His tears are striking down his cheeks, joining the drool on his chin, but his laughter is so loud that it muffles his sobs.

He should have known that Jongin won’t change his mind so fast. He should have known all of it, but he chooses to pretend that he doesn’t know.

He doesn’t want to know.

 _“I will keep my promise, Jongin. Don’t worry.”_ He has whispered to no one, smiling so brightly as if he is the happiest man alive.

 

**_1 day_ **

No more smiles. No more sobs. No more cries. No more laughs.

Kyungsoo puts the note in front of Jongin’s door, hoping that Jongin would at least read his last message to him.

With that, he leaves.

 

**_0 day_ **

It’s true that Kyungsoo is a masochist. It’s true that Kyungsoo is a fool. It’s true that Kyungsoo doesn’t have the chance to be with Jongin.

When the number on his chest becomes 0, Kyungsoo smiles and closes his eyes as he falls into a very deep, deep sleep. A deep sleep where he can dream about how happy he is with Jongin, loving each other and treasuring each other like the real soul mates they are.

A complete opposite to their real destiny.

 

_I keep my promise to you, Jongin. Because I love you._

_I stay away from you. I disappear from your life._

 

Because Kyungsoo’s heart can’t take any more pain, it had broken into pieces, solving into dusts, and unable to be saved by anything.

His heart pieces are burnt into a fire, becoming dusts.

Blown by the cold wind.

And disappear.

 


End file.
